So I rejoined, under a different onscreen name. Not that anyone would remember the original, it was too long ago! A friend, Danuta Kean talked me through my personal ad and suggested that I'd joined the wrong website, but I couldn't afford to pay for another subscription, so I left a free ad on the slightly more upmarket site - which has produced nothing - and carried on waiting for someone to turn up on Dating Direct. I was as honest about me as could be, as I didn't want to be using the site under false pretences, but I've decided that the men who appear on the site in my preferred age range (OK - elderly!) are completely deluded.
Now, would a young (!) woman of 50 really want to start a relationship with a wrinkled, balding man of 65? If Sean Connery was on the market it would be a different matter, but he isn't. But that's what most of these men want. And there are men who are recently separated, divorced or widowed. No - way too soon! "I lost my wife last year after thirtyfive years and think it's time to start meeting other women." In order to get the shirts washed and the dinners cooked, perhaps?
I have to be honest, the fact that I haven't found anyone I would even share a drink with is matched by the lack of interest in my own profile. Oh, yes, a lot of people view it, but no-one has yet got in touch. (No, I'm still pedant enough not to use "contact" as a verb.) But - this is not for real. And thank goodness. Because do I actually want someone else in my life? To moan about my cavalier attitude to housework, meals and television? Let's face it - no. But I really would like to know what prompts some men to be so unrealistic in their search for that elusive soulmate. Any ideas? I'd really like to know.
8 comments:
I bow to your experience (just the thought of it makes me want to close the curtains and huddle over the fire with a good book FOR EVER) and salute your courage.
I do know chaps who've gone the lonely hearts columns/on-line dating route who've had positive experiences. But I think men are better than women are at cutting their losses early, and I'm not so sure about the ladies they dated... At least one is positively heart-warming success, though.
As for the ads -- I don't know about the habitual advertisers, but I suspect the man fresh on the market after umpty-um years advertises for what he wanted when he was last fancy-free. I don't think it's vanity, so much as just not bothering to keep up with changes over the years. Men, after all, don't have that clock striking every month to remind them.
I've always shuddered at the thought of blind dating. As a travel courier (many moons ago) I met a lot of these lonely men and found they were pathetic. Of course they were in Spain hoping to pick up a young Spanish woman. In the 70s Mallorca they were still chaperoned!
Couriers were the next best thing for these pathetic creatures and I couldn't believe some of the chat up lines! One reckoned he owned a supermarket and would pay me more to work on one of the tills! Gimme a break!
I have to confess to feeling concern for people using dating agencies - what guarantee is there that you won't be meeting a pervert (of either sex)!
Thank you both. Barbara, we got them when I was flying, too! (By the way, loved Cleo!)
I'm just cynical enough not to trust anyone's ad about himself on any dating site. That being said, I'm about to celebrate my tenth anniversary with my husband-- a man whom I discovered online. We were both frequent posters on a Usenet news group, and I got to know him over many months' time, reading his posts and seeing how he interacted with everyone.
However, if I'd decided to try to meet someone through a dating agency, I'd probably still be waiting for the first nibble lo these twelve years later!
Hi Lesley, you ask what makes men so unrealistic in their search. I think it is that they are still bound by traditional ideas that younger women are looking for a somewhat older man, to support them. They just haven't twigged to the fact that most women nowadays are perfectly capable of earning a good wage and running a home on their own and what's more that they can CHOOSE. We have so many choices now and most of the women I know, of any age are very choosy - they're having a good time on their own! Any man who wants to win them has to try pretty hard and make compromises and many men aren't too keen on that, especially as they get on in years!
Maybe I'm not realistic either, but if I was 65, I would be looking for a handsome 30 year old! Sadly, the only way I'd get one would be by becoming a multimillionaire and having plastic surgery on every inch of my body. We live in hope.
Perhaps being a novelist ruins one for 'real' men? Creating romantic heroes sets the bar extremely high - although I'm sure there are one or two flesh-and-blood good-'uns really out there. Perhaps it's better to meet someone on an activity holiday - such as a painting or cookery course. Or let your female friends know you are interested (they might know someone similarly searching for love). At least one could start with the common interests aspect, on which to build.
Perhaps it's a good idea to seek male friends for outings, dinners etc.. rather than partners. Then who know what might happen?
Susan, I think you've missed the point! It's not me - it's my character. And at my HUGE age, having been married twice I don't actually want anyone. I shall probably be sending my character through the gamut of dating opportunities, having known friends who've done them all at one time or another. Meanwhile, I've known all my friends for so long I think I've met everyone else they know - and would you really go and ASK them? As for being spoiled for real men - I don't write romantic fiction and I have two very large grown up sons. They would soon knock any idealised notions on the head!
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